Okay, Kathryn’s acting isn’t exactly on point this episode. While I kind of figured we were veering into a Crash direction, that doesn’t mean I have to like it! I think Carter doesn’t actually like him, he’s put her in bad situations. She likes that guys like her, she gives a little attention to the guys who worship her. Which kind of speaks to her daddy issues.
Okay, awkward but kinda friendly scene with Gabe and Taylor. Suddenly Wallflower’s the belle of the ball, sought after by every suitor! What’s with the bandana, dude? Leave the eighties where they belong. I kind of like their conversation, they’re both really honest and Gabe is really sweet, but he keeps bouncing between sisters, which is weird. He seems the loyal type, but he keeps making these rookie mistakes.
Okay, Carter. What’s with the rookie errors going on in this episode? Never do you show up at a guy’s house when he clearly doesn’t want to see you there TWICE? Also, when your friend has given you a cryptic warning. LISTEN TO CRYPTIC WARNINGS, GIRL!
While I do not ship the disaster that is Crarter, that kiss scene was kind of cute. But since that’s resolved, I’m guessing some other conflict is going to arise.
The “Quick n’ Easy”? The pun opportunities are endless. Even when Maxflower is awkward, they are the cutest couple. Still, it seems like they’ve moved backwards, rather than forwards.
Okay, Crash has a tragic past involving sad younger sibling death which he blames himself for. That’s actually really sad, but lots of people lose people they care about without turning to a life of poorly executed crimes. But it looks like he won’t be around a whole lot longer, if that charge goes through.
I really am no longer invested in the plot with the dissolution of the Wilson’s already shitty marriage. Elizabeth doesn’t feel bad about cheating on David, clearly. So there’s three ways this can end: One, she doesn’t confess, stays with him, he keeps her because sentimentality. Two, she confesses, they divorce, she moves in with Bad Cop. Three, he confronts her, messy divorce.
Wow is Elizabeth a terrible liar. Also, why use a lie that is so easily traced? Elizabeth and Carter connecting is good. Her putting Crash in jail is not.
Okay, I like that Taylor and Gabe both have a realization that they’re like siblings, having known each other all of their academic lives and just being in the same place for so long. It seems relatively organic, though they do have all of those childhood stories shoehorned in that one scene. That mini golf course looks a little shifty too, like some creepy dude is just gonna be hanging out around the fourth hole. Plus, who takes a girl for mini golf any more? Not a way to create romantic sparks. The cliche is so real.
And Carter and Crash get sexy! Great, give a man a last cigarette before he gets tried. But never do you make a commitment to wait for a guy for three years in prison! You barely know him. And they have a post-coital fight about his going to jail- you know, usual after skipping school activity for sixteen year-old girls.
Okay, why does all of the sisterly bonding in this house always take place in the bathroom?
And Mama Bear Elizabeth pulls a fast one- can’t say I’m shocked. Crash says it all-she loves Carter more than she hates him. Getting the boy her daughter cares about out of jail time is definitely the most generous thing she’s done on the show.
Okay, now David is actively sabotaging his wife’s affair. This was not one of my predicted outcomes! Elizabeth is lying so much – what exactly is her timeline for breaking up her marriage, which, at this point, more resembles a game of Battleship?
And we get a nice Lori/Carter reunion, before she tells Carter that they have Russian passports. Russian passports? That just seems like a poor plan. As far as we know, neither of them speak Russian. Plus Russia’s kind of . . . Russian. That might be a culture shock for two Americans. Also, the feds have gotta be watching the flights. Just get on one of those shifty cargo ships and go to Australia, or Ireland! As long as you’re far from American authorities, it really doesn’t matter where you are. But maybe go somewhere where they speak the same language as you? How is it that I can come up with a more practical escape plan than a kidnapper?
What a dilemma! Carter is kind of settling in, she has this boyfriend she is somehow making plans for a future with, despite having just gotten together, and good relationships with friends and siblings. She can stay – and live the life she might have lived. Or, she can leave with the woman who brought her up, who she loves and misses. And they can start over, and she can get the answers she’s been longing for. Which would you pick?
Side note: All of the ads during breaks for his show are for condoms or acne wash. That says something about the audience for this show.
This episode, in SECRETS!
Mom has had an affair with her old partner, who is also Gabe’s dad. She ended it, but now it’s back on and she said that it’s over between her and her husband. Daddy David actually has known about it this whole time, he was planning to divorce her, but now he’s just trying to keep her from meeting her lover.
Carter is trying to get back with Lori, her “real” mom. And now she has that option. Max is less than thrilled, but knows. So does Crash.
David and Elizabeth know that they are in foreclosure, but the kids aren’t in the loop. Also, they just used their daughters to get money from her parents. Also, David got a huge check from his publisher, but his agent took it back so that Elizabeth won’t get half when they separate.
Dad is secretly writing the book about Carter, though he promised her he wouldn’t. That’s where he got the big bucks.
Carter and Dad are the only ones who know that Carter nearly got caught with Crash in a stolen car.
Carter appears to be the only one who knows that someone abused Bird. We’ll probably hear more about this later.
And now the complicated romantic entanglements!
Carter is dating Crash. She has kissed pretty much every other guy on the show, except Ofie.
Gabe used to be into Carter, but then he wanted Taylor, but they mutually decided that they’re more like family. So now he’s kind of in love limbo.
Taylor wants Max, and used to want Gabe, but she got over him. She doesn’t know how Max feels about her.
Max likes Taylor. He’s just trying to keep the Lori situation under control, and is not very confrontational.
Bird screwed Crash in her closet, but appears to not actually have feelings for him. Plus she has that mysterious abuser in her past that we don’t know much about yet.
Crash is now dating Carter, which may effect her decision about whether to leave or not. He seems to fully reciprocate her feelings.
The Chamber of Spoilers 